someone get that fucking seahorse.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
