..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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