im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
