I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
