You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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