I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
