Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
