remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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