Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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