when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
