im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Don't make out with my wife yet
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
