the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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