Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
