Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
