well I can't set my house on fire every night
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
