chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
