How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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