ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
