We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
