did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
