Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
