"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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