Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He shit in the fireplace
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
