The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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