The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
