So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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