Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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