i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
