i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
