It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
