When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
