I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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