you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
