I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
