Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
