fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
