watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
