Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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