im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
This house was built for laser tag.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
