Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
