im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
pray to the hookup gods
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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