Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
