So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Sext me about skeletons
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
