I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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