So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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