Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
