my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
mondays should just be called national damage control day
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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