Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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