He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
