the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
