Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
