I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
