there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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