You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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